Setting Health Boundaries for Self Care
The silly season is often a time when women are stretched thin to keep everyone happy. We can experience greater stress, self care and good nutrition is harder to achieve and relationships are tested!
Setting boundaries to take care of ourselves is something that many of us find difficult. You might resonate if you are a ‘people pleaser’ and like everyone to think the best of you.
But when you start to stand up for yourself and put yourself first, you can experience less stress and anxiety and your confidence can grow.
Setting boundaries can be best explained as communicating your needs for healthy interaction with others. Not everyone may like or understand your boundaries or your reasons for setting them. But if you don’t communicate your boundaries, other people don’t realise they are imposing on them!
How do you know you need to set a boundary? Look for the times you feel uncomfortable or resentful.
Does your workmate hug you and it makes you uncomfortable?
Is your friend always really late to meet you and disrespects your time?
Does your mother gossip with you about other members of the family?
Have a think about what you need in those situations and then express them in a calm, firm manner without the need for overexplaining or apologising.
I know setting boundaries can be very difficult and emotional, so with this in mind, I have created a brand new flower essence blend for you… called Boundaries <LINK> ! I think it will be really supportive to a lot of you over the next couple of months while dealing with the extra pressures of the silly season.
This flower essence supports the gentle souls of this world who find so much pleasure in giving and looking after others, even though it comes at a cost to themselves. These beautiful beings are happy to make sacrifices and go without, but as they give time and time again, it inevitably takes a toll on their own health. They find it difficult to set boundaries and stick to them, concerned they will appear direct or selfish.
It is also a great essence for those who struggle to maintain focus and self-discipline in achieving their goals.
Shake It Off - This flower essence blend can assist you with believing in yourself, courage, calmness, clarity and having the strength to leave unpleasant situations.
Confidence Charge - If you struggle with self love and accepting yourself, this is a great flower essence blend to try. It can assist with celebrating your beauty, reaching your potential and self approval and love.
Sepia - This is a great remedy for women who are emotionally worn down, irritable and indifferent with aversion to consolation and a desire to be left alone.
Cocculus - Use this remedy when you are exhausted by worry and lack of sleep. You may be nursing loved ones or getting up to sleepless children.
Stress Complex - This is a combination of homeopathic remedies that may offer support for symptoms associated with everyday general stresses.
Graphites - This remedy helps to improve self-esteem and reduces self-doubt and the tendency to vacillate over every decision. It can give you a sense that what they are and who they are is good.
Many of you will be familiar with the brilliant work of The Holistic Psychologist. Here are her tips for setting boundaries:
- Understand people’s feelings are not your responsibility. The underlying belief when we do things to make others “feel” better is that we are responsible for how people feel. Some people don’t like hearing no. Other people may think you are “selfish” or “rude.” How people feel about your actions is based on their own previous experiences in the world. They have little or nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for the feelings created from them.
- Say NO then step away. The reason people can’t keep boundaries is because of how the person they’re trying to set the boundary with reacts. It is incredibly important to say “no” and then remove yourself from that person. It may mean turning off your phone or going into your bedroom and closing the door. The beginning of boundary setting is all about getting you OK with saying no. In order to do that, you need to block out all responses.
- Let words be second to action. Humans are verbal creatures. We are used to expressing ourselves mainly through words. Boundaries are challenging because they involve follow up action. Not only do we have to do something different, we have to avoid the desire to over-explain, apologise, or rationalise our choices to another. We need to commit to our decided action (or inaction depending on the situation) and avoid the tendency to talk our way out of doing so. Sometimes this means communicating non-verbally through our actions.
You might also like to consider working with a holistic counsellor or therapist to help you establish boundaries.
I hope these tips have helped and you have a calm, relaxed festive season with your family and friends!